Rebecca Black’s “Friday:” Literally the worst song in existence

Richie LaRocque, Editorial Editor

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…where do I begin? Well, several days ago, when I decided to take the assignment of a song review, I clearly had no idea what I was getting into. The song I chose to review on this fine Thursday, is none other than Rebecca Black’s, “Friday.”

Unfortunately, and as much as I hate it, the fact that I chose to review this song means that I was forced to experience the most unbearable, unpleasant, and worthless three minutes and forty eight seconds of my life as a musician. Oh yes, it is certainly that bad, and I’m being generous.

The first thing that’s easily noticed, is the god-awful, preposterously generic, mainstream, and sickeningly poppy beat that the song starts off with. Less than five seconds in, off the bat, it begins. Rebecca Black’s nasally, annoying, and deafeningly crackly, fourteen-year-old voice, lets you know that you’re in for a wild thrill ride with a terribly soulful and oh-so-meaningful “ooooh yeah yeah yeahhhhhhh.”

Seventeen seconds into the song, the lyrics begin. Now bear with me, and please do your best to continue reading this article, as I am about to recite the first few lines of the song in this article.  *painful sigh* here goes nothing. “7 a.m. waking up in the morning/gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs/gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal.”

Now, that wasn’t that bad right? Wrong. Dead wrong. The opening lyrics of this song, as well as all of the other lyrics of the song, are not even sung, it is literally, and I am not joking or over exaggerating in any sense of the term, Rebecca Black talking.  The song can’t even be considered Rebecca Black flatly rhyming to a beat, because, and I’m not quite sure if you’ve noticed this or not but, THE LYRICS DON’T EVEN COME CLOSE TO RHYMING.

There is not a single line in this song that could even be close to considered anything that might be even an approximate rhyme by any stretch of the imagination. More over, the fact that there is no fluctuation in the pitch of her voice, whatsoever, doesn’t even qualify the song as her singing a free verse poem. Rebecca Black’s opening verse, in all of its most flattering aspects, is literally her, talking about her morning routine. AWESOME SONG GUYS.

If, and mind you that is a very big if, you manage to survive the first verse without throwing yourself into oncoming traffic out of sheer frustration that anything this terrible could become so popular, or suffering asphyxiation from laughing too hard, you might miraculously make it to the chorus. And while inserting more lyrics from the song, dramatically increases the possibility that you will turn your computer off right now and try to erase this article from your memory, it is completely necessary for me to convey my point at how horrendously terrible this song is.

The chorus lines consist of “Its Friday, Friday/gotta get down on Friday/everybody’s looking forward to the weekend, weekend. Friday, Friday/gotta get down on Friday/partying, partying/YEAH!/partying partying/YEAH/fun fun fun fun/looking forward to the weekend.”

The only question on my mind after hearing the chorus of this song, is HOW COULD ANYBODY POSSIBLY THINK THAT THIS COULD PASS FOR A HARDLY RESPECTABLE SONG?! This is so terrible, so unbelievably terrible, that I can’t manage to finish the song. I found myself forced to fast forward through the second verse, just to get to the notoriously pointless and token rap verse that was inserted simply to appeal to a broader audience. This verse, which also DOESN’T RHYME, has the infamous line “passing by, is a school bus.” Okay bro, its 8:30 at night, and you’re on a highway, WHY IN GOD’S NAME IS THERE A SCHOOL BUS PASSING BY?!

Further into the song, our favorite little teenager hits us with a line that really makes you think. “Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday/today it is Friday, Friday/we we we so excited/we so excited/we gonna have a ball today/tomorrow is Saturday/and Sunday comes afterwards.”
Oh really? The day that comes before Friday is Thursday? And then the two days that come after that are Saturday and Sunday? I DIDN’T KNOW THAT BUT NOW I DO, THANKS FOR TELLING ME REBECCA.

And as I sit here, typing this article, sighing over the pain that I feel for Rebecca Black and how terribly she has embarrassed herself and everybody that was in that music video, I can only say that it is the worst song I have ever heard in my life. It has no attempt at forming any meager type of rhyme scheme, and I definitely feel like a mentally deformed monkey in a coma could write a better song than that. The lyrics have no meaning, the verses are monotone and have no differentiation, the chorus has a nasally and annoying tone and the rap verse makes no sense.

Rebecca, I award you no points.

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