The common white girl


Starbucks drinks.

Zoe Vital, Editor in Chief

Recently, a disease has infected more than half of the school’s population. Everywhere you turn someone affected by the disease is in close proximity. It’s a serious problem, affecting females all over the school regardless of their race, age, or friend group. This disease is know as CWGS, Common White Girl Syndrome.

I, myself, am a victim of the disease and am here to spread awareness.

One may ask, “How do I get CWGS?”, that answer is simple. You are susceptible to the disease just by being an easily influenced, so called trendy teenage female. Most cases have been traced back to an obsession with social media, especially Tumblr. Tumblr is one of the leading causes of Common White Girl Syndrome.

The disease starts slowly, first you notice yourself neglecting your homework and other necessary tasks to spend hours of your time scrolling through pictures under the hash-tag “hipster” while drinking your salted caramel mocha with extra “whip” from Starbucks.

Next comes the quotes. These go anywhere and everywhere but most commonly, on your wall surrounded by twinkling christmas lights. The lights need to be on and twinkling year round, they are an essential. Your quotes are most likely from an overplayed song on the radio that really speaks to you, and every other female who is infected by CWGS. Remember,  each letter of the quote should be cut out from pages of some cliche magazine that makes you lose a little self confidence each time you read it.

At some point after your diagnosis the disease takes a toll on your sense of individuality. You will no longer be able to dress yourself in your own style but will be forced into overpriced leggings, from a store whose models define the term Photoshop. These leggings will be paired with a cardigan that might as well have come with insurance for the price it was sold at. On your feet, a pair of riding boots you should have left at the stables.

When one who is affected by the disease reaches the approximate age of 18, the symptoms take a turn for the worse. CWGS leaves a permanent mark on your body. The mark comes in the form of a infinity sign, arrow or anchor tattoo located somewhere on your body. Most commonly they are found on your neck, rib cage or wrists. If spotted on someone else they are most likely infected, it is best to stay away.

Common White Girl Syndrome has no known cure as of today but there are ways to lessen the effects. In order to keep the symptoms from getting worse minimize the amount of time you dedicate your life to Gossip Girl or any other series that could consume you on Netflix, over time they will be detrimental to your social life. Next, it is not essential to tell everyone about the “totally awesome” diet you’re on then Instagram a picture of you in your workout clothes, everyone saw you eat the pizza at lunch, you’re not fooling anyone. Lastly, do not, under any circumstance compose a tweet about how badly you want to cuddle or how you “can’t even right now.”