High School Relationships are potentially one of the most sought–after things among teenagers. While I’m currently in a relationship, I never understood the need to be in one or why it’s such a controversial topic. This curiosity led me to explore the nature of how these relationships can often become toxic, and, more importantly, why.
Toxic relationships can manifest in many different ways, it just depends on who you ask. Some will say it’s an aggressive relationship with tons of arguing, while others may point towards the more abusive behaviors. And while I agree that both of those fall under the umbrella of toxicity, it can be so much more than that for teenagers with constantly racing emotions. Understanding these high-racing thoughts and emotions is crucial in figuring out the cause of toxic relationships among us.
Of course, everyone is going to have a different interpretation of how these relationships form, yet one of the most common answers I’ve heard from people is social media. Sure, every once in a while I’ll Snapchat a friend or post a funny little TikTok—but without a doubt, it has become the foundation of many relationships. I know plenty of people out there who have met the “love of their life” just by seeing a picture of the side of their face and a sliver of their headboard. And just like that, a “talking stage” has formed.
However, social media contributes to relationships in a more negative way than a positive way. I have seen way too many relationships end because one person “snapped” someone of the opposite gender. Which I find insane. Of course, there are exceptions to that, but if it’s truly just a friend, what’s the harm? Or someone “cheating” on their significant other simply because they double-clicked on an Instagram post. Too many arguments and such have sprung from things on social media, and it’s ruining current relationships.
But the simple thing is, we have all grown up with social media, so how do we know better?
Iklim Citlak, a junior here at LHS, said, “I think that social media has killed romance. In the past, relationships just revolved around being involved with your significant other.” Citlak also mentions that nowadays, “When people come onto social media to talk about their relationships, everyone always has something to say about it without personally knowing them.”
I could go on forever about what contributes to a toxic relationship, but what most people don’t consider is how the people in the relationship are feeling, especially when they have to keep up with a relationship daily.
Being a teenager is hard enough. Part/full-time jobs, six-hour school days, five days a week (not including sports), a rollercoaster of emotions, and so, so so much more. Adding a relationship on top of that can either help or hurt you. So it’s important to know the person you’re dating.
Mental health is already a huge part of how a relationship can go, I mean it’s common sense that if you aren’t in a good headspace to deal with yourself then you certainly are not in the right headspace to take on someone else’s emotions–or at least that’s what I thought.
Apparently, it’s really common to not realize you can’t deal with a relationship until you’re already 6 feet under and screaming for help. So obviously, if your relationship is already in the toxic waters, this will not help. The worst part about toxic relationships is that the people in them don’t realize what it’s doing to them. When people are in toxic relationships, it turns them into a different person. I’ve personally seen it happen to a few of my friends. They slowly become distant, are never on their phones, are in school less, and overall just lose their spark. But personally, I believe that it is not worth it.
Sophomore Ezgi Ibas claims, “This generation lacks emotional intelligence and empathy, which I’ve learned is usually caused by past trauma and influence from friends to ‘fit in.’”
Emotional Instability, the inevitable high school experience. How fun!
Ibas then goes on to say that “Toxic relationships can cause stress and emotional exhaustion, mainly from arguments and worrying about losing your significant other. Isolation and loss of focus are common as well, making it easy to be pulled away from friends, family, and school.”
To lighten the mood a bit, let me just close this one up by saying that relationships do not have to be negative. If you have found the right person, it can actually benefit you. My goal here was not to scare you, but more so to shine light on the relationships that give our generation a bad reputation.
Like most things, there’s a way to avoid your relationship from going downhill. You just have to be comfortable with yourself and the person you’re with. And what better way to help you guys out than going to someone with first-hand experience in a healthy relationship? (aside from myself)
I asked a good friend of mine, Alexis Rodriguez, how she and her boyfriend managed to navigate a high school relationship. She responded with, “Me and Dray always make a point to prioritize each other’s feelings and always communicate. We never go to sleep mad at each other. We also never talk negatively. Like the words cheating or break up aren’t even in our vocabulary.”
At the end of the day, do you. Do not worry about what other people have to say about you or your “person.” Toxic relationships are more common than you think, but always remember to know the signs. If you are constantly anxious around your partner, feel your boundaries are being crossed, find yourself being isolated or manipulated, or even abused–get help. There are tons of resources, and it’s crucial for your well-being. No matter where you are, help is always available. Regardless of whether that help is a school counselor, a teacher, a close friend, or the teen dating hotline, there’s always a way. Just remember to choose yourself and your peace. Never base your life around a relationship.
The National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline: 1-866-331-9474